Sacramento woman, 96, gives family the gift of planning her own peaceful death

W.W. a very good article.

My brother lived with my parents in their last years, and took care of them. Both of my parents died at home. My brother, sister and our mom were with him when he passed.

When mom became ill, I spent the last month at her house, helping my brother take care of her. We moved her bed to the family room that was bright and cheery and she could look out the large windows to her garden. When mom stopped eating, we didn't force her. Hospice had given us meds (morphine and some others that I can't remember the name) but she didn't want to take them. She kept her eyes closed most of the time and if offered anything but water, she wouldn't open her mouth.

We made mom as comfortable as possible, I massaged her legs and arms and rubbed her back. When she became restless for several nights, I asked her if she would like for me to lie down next to her and she nodded her head yes. Every night after that, I slept next to mom in her hospital bed. Brother slept on the couch next to us. We were with her 24/7. Right before she stopped accepting food, Brother and I were standing next to her bed, one on each side. She looked up at us, stretched out her arms and gave us both a pat on the butt as she smiled and said, "My babies".

Early one morning I awoke and everything was quiet. Mom had breathed her last. She went peacefully, in her own home with her two youngest "babies" taking care of her.

I can only hope that my last breath will leave as gentle as did my mom's.

Piletre, you made me cry, so lovely.

ambivalent.. It's a bittersweet memory, but one I will always cherish..

Perfectly wonderful seed, WW. Father went that way years ago, mum wants to go the same way.

Piletre that was just perfect. Glad you all were able to be there at the end for her. Glad also that you understood her wishes.

W.W., Brother and I and our older sister, learned from our parents the "old ways". I'm afraid now, though, that with the elderly, death and dying is regulated mostly to nursing homes, mortuaries and the big funeral productions where people are encouraged to "pay away" their guilt for being the survivers..

Our immediate family prefers cremation with no funeral, no memorials or services of any kind. Our memories are not of the stress and strain of the funeral arrangements/services/etc., but instead, as in my parents' deaths, we were able to have that peacefulness of a "job well done" according to our parents' wishes.

W.W. Our cremation arrangements were made and paid for years ago. Son was shown the Living Trust binder with all the info inside. Actually, we should go over it again with him, just to make sure he knows (remembers..lol) exactly where all info is located.

As for the flowers and your mom, it was no one else's business whether or not you sent flowers. Personally, I don't send flowers to anyone's funeral. Instead, I make a donation in the name of the deceased, to a very special local program to help children at risk.

W.W., I'm way further north of Pismo, about 300 mi. But 10 mi from coast (as the crow flies). If you ever do plan on heading up this way, give me a heads up and I'll be sure Trav stays out of the mud! He's VERY people friendly away from the house but is kind of obnoxious to visitors on his home turf. Bubba is ok, except he does something we call "sliming". Out of nowhere, he will suddenly be standing next to someone who is sitting down, and he'll slather his slimy tongue up the side of the person's face.

I've always liked Eureka.. probably because of the weather and because it's such a ... I don't know.. I guess maybe because it doesn't have a lot of snobishness to it.. more down to earth type of place. I have no words to describe the drive through the Redwoods except, one needs to experience their awesomeness at least once. Bodega bay is always full of tourists. The Russian River is good in the winter time.. no tourists..lol.. (Looks like a pattern in my likes and dislikes). Sebastopol is hanging in there with no empty store fronts on main street like a lot of the towns. Guerneville is.. well, just Guerneville. If one can't abide alternative lifestyles then one needs to bypass the town. Santa Rosa is trying to upscale but there's still street people upchucking on the lawns in the town square. Sonoma and Healdsburg are money makers. Petaluma has a toe-hold for the place in Sonoma County for film crews - commercials and movies.

Sent you an email.

All in all, I dearly love Sonoma County